apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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