Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Someone signed my nipple.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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