i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
