Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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