by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
