I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Damn victory sex feels great
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
