i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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