were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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