i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
