And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize