I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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