I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
