Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
