Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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