easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
