I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
