I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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