I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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