So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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