i was born a porn star she said
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
