Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize
