Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
