I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Are we still banned from the library?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
