Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize