You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i would punch a child for taco bell
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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