After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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