I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
