the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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