Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Come on in and take your pants off
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