I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
