How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
