the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
