How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
