i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
