Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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