dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
