Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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