Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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