It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
