She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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