was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
