so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
