go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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