Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
