saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
