youre lurking in front of me
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize