Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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