Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
