dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
