I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
