Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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