Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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