God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You need Xanax blowdarts
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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