My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
