just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
