she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
