You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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