he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
