At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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