I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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