3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
