I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
