You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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