dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
