you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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