I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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