he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
