Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize