One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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