i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It was like giving head to a cactus.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
