I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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